Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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