If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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