Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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