i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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