My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
