Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
