could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
