I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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