i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
It's blow job season.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
