Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
so let's talk penis.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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