Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
