all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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