At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
