dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Are we still banned from the library?
I need moral support for this bender
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
