Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
