After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
