I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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