I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
