you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
