I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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