Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
