Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
