Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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