Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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