I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
