My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
