I swear god or herbie drove my car home
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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