it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
