I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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