No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
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