A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
