If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize