Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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