I just made out with a guy for $7.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize