and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Randomize
