yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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