A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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