This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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