we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
