Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
please come you make the beer taste better
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
