he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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