He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize