I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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