ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize