Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
