So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
