My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
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He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
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Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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