I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
