you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
