I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
