i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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