Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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