may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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