It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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