Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I FOUND THE LEGS
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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