i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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