the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
