You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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