I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
