when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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