we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Randomize
